Umm...

Despite my down and dreary rain-days, I am still riding on my high of finally being able to make a decision. I realize that this isn't a huge accomplishment to some people, but when you've been a slacker for as long as I have, it's the small things that really count. As ridiculous as this sounds I feel like I'm starting over. I'm leaving all my bullshit, all my excuses and just going for something I want. Who knew it would feel so liberating?

In talking with The Hub about it (as I must, even though it is ultimately my decision I figure I should consult the person who will have to deal most with my insanity) he is ridiculously supportive. There is no hesitation on his part when it comes to this decision. I have more insecurities about it than he does, which I suppose is good. In talking to my friend Rar about the situation he has made a couple good points. First, I'm probably not as big of a slacker as I think I am and Second, Other people almost always have more faith in you than you do in yourself. Both of these I believe are true, and so I will soldier on until I actually start doing something that makes me feel accomplished.

Looking forward to going to a gallery/bar crawl tomorrow night -- it's in the Arts District here (dubbed NoDa) and I've wanted to check one out since we moved, and am finally getting the motivation to do so.

Motivation

I am seriously motivated at the moment. I don't know what happened to cause this, but I'm running with it!

I know that at many points you've listened (or read, rather) to me deliberate over what it is that I want to do. Well, friends, I think I'm finally taking a step in the right direction! I went to the local CC to check some things out, and I will be starting there part time in the fall. They have a program that works directly with UNC, so as long as I don't suck and keep my GPA up (which shouldn't be an issue) I'll be able to just transition right over. I think I've decided on an English major with a minor in Women's and Gender Studies, then going on to get my Masters in English (linguistics? not sure of that specification, yet) and possibly a graduate certificate in Women's Studies. YAY FOR DECISION MAKING. Now, we'll see how many times this changes, but I actually feel really confident about the English thing. Journalism is not quite the track I want to be on, although I wouldn't rule out doing something in that field in the future. I'm not sure if this is true or not, but to me it seems that English is a bit more flexible of a field to have a degree in. I do think I'd eventually like to teach college, but I also think that working for an NPO (like the HRC) would be something right up my alley. Who knows. Actually finding a job would be a long way off!

Okay, I can't lie to you and say it's all happy. I am actually scared shitless. Really. But I feel good about the decisions I am making for myself. I am not focused so much on "what if", and am happy to be doing something for me. While this might delay other life goals a little bit, I think that ultimately this is what is going to make me feel happy and secure.

So, cheers to me for making a decision.

Lets see how many times I change my mind :)