Friday, February 12, 2010

Recovery.

Ok, so, I'll admit. Yesterday was a bad day. And not for any one, particular reason, but simply because I was feeling sorry for myself. I think I should be entitled to a day like that every now and then. A day where I won't judge myself for having a couple beers, while snuggling with my pug and crying. Ok, fine, pass judgment. I know I am. But, today is a new day, and I will continue to push forward through this mess.
As it is, I have already been a considerably better adult. Doing laundry, taking care of the pug, getting some homework accomplished. Despite this, I still feel an innate pull back to sadness. This is unexpected. I have spent the large majority of my life not being sad about things that require it. Childhood trauma made me numb to many of the things that could break other people. In fact, to this point, I thought that after the death of my mother nothing could really make me sad again.
It is with these feelings that I am trying to redefine, as I said yesterday. I am trying to make goals, however small they may seem to others, and push myself to accomplish them. I have found two short story competitions that I'm going to enter. I'm entering them, not because I think I'll win, or even because I think I'm that great of a writer, but because I love to write, and feel like I have things to say. Plus, you have to start somewhere, and I think this will motivated me to polish some of my writing.

3 comments:

martha said...

i love you!

r.a.r. said...

i applaud you for pushing yourself...things like entering contests just to do ,etc

瘋狂的 said...

As a man sows, so he shall reap. ....................................................