Just Because...

Because it's Thursday, and sometimes we need a little oomph to make it to Friday.

Rawr! We can do it!

Missing Piece

Ok -- If you have 6 1/2 minutes -- please watch this. Now, I have always loved children's books. I think that some are written to be simple enough for children to grasp, but with a message so big it makes your eyes well up. The Missing Piece meet The Big O is probably close to the top of my list when it comes to life-lesson kids books -- and I found this online yesterday, and it made me cry. Now, I don't expect for it to make everyone cry, but I do expect that it will remind you of certain, simple life facts that may be overlooked in the everyday bustle. Ok, I'm going to stop writing, so you can start watching.


Also, <3 Shel Silverstein. Like whoa.

How I Adore Words...

So, all the time driving this past weekend gave me an absurd amount of time to think, completely alone. Now, I'm one who likes her alone time any way, I always think better when I'm alone, and writing in silence is usually when I get into my best groove, so one can imagine that giving me 18+ hours alone in a car would result in some creative ideas.

I had a few ideas for some short fiction stories -- something I haven't written in a while. These came late night Friday while crossing the Bay Bridge Tunnel, using the dark, choppy, eerily moonlit waters for inspiration. I had other ideas about turning parts of my life into short stories - fictionalizing them a bit. Then more ideas about art projects I could start. While I can't for the life of me draw or paint, I like to think that I am graphically and creatively minded. Captain added to my enthusiasm with some great ideas about "the crew". I feel that with everything going on in my life, my creative outlets are becoming more important. I find myself singing more than just my usual girlie rock -- pulling out some opera and belting along. I need to get some new strings for the guitar -- I haven't played in such a long time.

One of the ideas I had I'm pretty excited about, and will probably be the one I work on first. It involves books, words, coffee and a little bit of my insanity. I'm not really sure how long it will take me, because I'm not sure exactly how I want to do it, but it should be a short afternoon "craft" type project.

I've also noticed that when I sit down to do my "real" writing, it is coming much easier. I'm not laboring over every word and nuance as much. While I am going back and editing/changing I feel that I'm doing far less of that, and far more of who I am. It's a really good feeling.

Fight Hate

Please visit the HRC Fight Hate home page to learn about the Matthew Shepard Act, and then send a letter to your senator or congressman. It only takes a few minutes, and the website does most of the work for you. Please take a few moments to help change the lives of those in the GLBT community -- as well as those who are discriminated against because of disability, sex, race, religion -- who will be affected by Hate Crimes. It is easy for some, myself especially, to forget that there are those who are severely discriminated against because of who they are or who they love. "The Local Law Enforcement Hate Crimes Prevention Act / Matthew Shepard Act gives the Justice Department the power to investigate and prosecute bias-motivated violence by providing the department with jurisdiction over crimes of violence where the perpetrator has selected the victim because of the person's actual or perceived race, color, religion, national origin, gender, sexual orientation, gender identity or disability."

I feel this is something we can all agree on. Fight Hate.

Insanity.

I have completed the weekend of insanity:
5 cities. 48 hours. 1170 miles.
and I'm actually still alive.

Looking back, I used to do crazy things like this all the time. The many times I went to visit RAR in NC when I lived in MD, the random late night drives to college park and fairfax to visit others. In fact, driving from the Eastern Shore to Baltimore really made me reminisce about all the time I've spent in the DC/Baltimore/Annapolis area.

Considering I've never actually lived in that part of Maryland, I've spent a considerable amount of time there. Driving across the Bay Bridge brings back what feels like millions of memories -- spending the day with my Dad at the naval academy, going into DC with my parents and visiting musuems, visiting my first boyfriend in Annapolis, Thursday all-night bar hops at Power Plant, College Park football games, All night craziness with the boys at college park, DC trips, Dunking my head in the fountain in Dupont Circle, Trips to Apex, Paying people's bridge tolls for them, sitting in hot, sticky summer traffic, Blox's car dying while we were double parked in the middle of Baltimore, blasting my radio and going 80... all these memories rush into one place and make me feel alive. Make me feel like there are parts of my life that were simply fantastic. It is easy for me, especially in most of my literary pursuits, to forget these wonderful times. I focus a lot on the details of the negative, life changing experiences that it is nice to be reminded of the wonderfully enriching details in my life.

This weekend will be added to the arsenal of wonderful moments in my life. The dress fitting went well, and the almost Bride is glowing with excitement for her nuptials next weekend. I actually really like the bridesmaid dress, it makes me feel pretty. I got to see my most adorable goose, and had breakfast with Lao Tung. The trek across the bridge resulted in Craziness with Twenty and Salty, Dinner in Columbia, then me getting a bit tipsy at Bourbon Street. Saw old friend, made new ones, and witnessed craziness at the end of the night.

All in all, great weekend.

Hoo-Ha.

I am having a bit of a dilemma. For the most part, I have refrained from using people's names in this blog, basically because I feel like it's unfair to put someone's name out there without really having their permission. Also, if as in my wildest dreams, I suddenly become a famous published author I don't wish to expose my friends. But, making up these names for people is putting a lot of pressure on me! For some like Twenty, it was easy -- I just borrowed her blog name! Easy. For others, I have to come up with something. I've mostly defaulted on these -- Hub, Big Sister, Foo Foo (which is already a nickname) -- but now that I'm expanding my group of friends I find myself wanting to write about them, yet avoiding the whole name situation. So, I'm going to try and retell my Wednesday evening using these newly acquired pseudonyms.

Wednesday night was Italian night in the Dreamer household. I invited some of my new girlfriends over for manicotti and cocktails (or juice, you know, whatever). Through the course of the meal the conversation came around to Horoscopes, as it often has when I've hung out with Captain. The first time I was at her place I discovered an astrology book. Now I'm not much into the astrology thing, really, but have been intrigued because quite a bit of it seems to be spot on. I don't mean on a daily basis, but just in the broader spectrum of things. Red and Carolina also seemed to be pretty up on their astrology, so I was the doofus pulling out the laptop to look things up. First of all, did you know that each sign has a body part associated with it? You didn't? Well, fancy that, neither did I. Seeing as how I'm the lovely capricorn (although I'm on the cusp -- I didn't know that either) I'm the knees. The knees, people. If that isn't asking for a bad innuendo, I don't know what is. Anyway, after spending an absurd amount of time trying to figure out what these body parts meant, I essentially gave up and just became the soothsayer for everyone. I searched various websites to look up our personalities -- Captain and Carolina are Aquarius, Hub is a scorpio, Red is a Taurus and I'm a capricorn. Interestingly enough for the most part these horoscopes fit personalities -- Mine was a little weird, but once we figured out that I was a cusp I proceeded to research that, I feel like I fit the Saggitarius-Capricorn cusp one quite well.

After we giggled a bit about body parts some more (apparently Scorpio is the gentials. C'mon, you know that's funny) We moved onto relationship compatiblities. This part was tricky. When everything else has been spot on, it's a bit disconcerting to read who you are and aren't compatable with. Interestingly enough, I've actually dated mostly the signs I'm compatible with, and the same was true for pretty much everyone.

Ok, now I'm not saying I'm buying into this Hoo-Ha. But if the stars are good enough for the centaurs, they might be good enough for me.

Introspection

When you know someone intimately, reading them is like second nature. You understand the words behind each sigh, each movement. You can tell the difference between a breath exhaled in frustration, in pain, or in need of calm. It’s a comfortable kind of security -- knowing someone this well. There is almost little need for actual words -- one gesture will inform the other person of your desire, whether it be a drink, a blanket or a kiss. The problem with this comfort is you can begin to lose yourself in it. You become comfortable with the routine of your partners signals, and so settle in this. Talking becomes more infrequent and you communicate largely through body language. It is easy to loose yourself in this… and while a relationship made up of entirely serious, soul-searching conversations would be exhausting the opposite is also true. You may become exhausted by the simplicity of your relationship. How do you tell this partner, whom you love, adore, and can read better than anyone in the entire world that you actually feel that you don’t know them. It is one thing to read these small nuances -- understand the crossed arms, the slumping posture -- but you don’t understand their real desires. Is it possible to become so comfortable and familiar that we are exactly the opposite? Humans have been evolvers since the beginning of time -- what’s to say that we stop evolving the moment we find one of these comfortable situations? While knowing how someone drinks their coffee (black or with lots of cream) can be most convenient and comfortable, knowing someone’s goals and aspirations is a far more tender piece of familiarity. When you first meet this person, it’s all excitement. You discuss your current aspirations, goals, desires, past miseries and heartbreaks. In those moments, you realize the things that will lead to you becoming numbingly comfortable. It is important for you to always come back to that place of excitement and discovery, because after the weeks, months or years that it has taken you to become sedentary both parties will have changed, and while major goals may remain the same, the way these goals are approached or viewed or motivated may have under gone a drastic overhaul. Just because you are comfortable in the everyday moments, does not mean you need to ignore or lose the excitement which guided us to this place of ease.

In the Membrane.

I am slowly losing my mind. Seriously. And part of this mind-loss is resulting in the incredibly ridiculous decision to drive to Maryland for the weekend. Yes. Just the weekend. Now, this is a 1000 mile trip all on its own, but then throw in the fact that not only am I driving to Maryland to have my final fitting for KC's wedding on the eastern shore, I am then driving up to Columbia/Baltimore/Owings Mills to hang out with my friends. Adding approximately another 200 miles onto my trip -- in the wrong direction.

What could be even more insane is that I'm excited. Very excited. I'm going to see a good number of people, some whom I haven't seen in quite a while. While I had originally just planned to stay on the good ol' redneck Eastern Shore, I found that one of my friends from college would be in Baltimore -- Where as she usually is in NY (Upstate) I thought I would take this chance at us being in the same state to go get drunk and dance with her and many other wonderful people.

So, I will be tweeting my progress should anyone want to follow along. And yes, tweeting is now a verb, just like texting and blogging.

Susan Boyle

Am I the only one who sees all the hype about Susan Boyle as a backhanded compliment?

Don't get me wrong -- I loved her song. She did a great job, and I think she has a brilliant voice. But, I guess I wasn't as shocked as everyone else was. I didn't know that looks = talent... in fact, I've never really been on that train. We can have hotty-mchotpants like Britney Spears who obviously have no talent, and are simply manufactured, socially acceptable pornless porn-stars. (ok, she might not be so pornless)

She has been called everything from Ugly to Homely to a real life shrek. WHAT?! Ok, now I realize this woman is not winning any modern beauty contests but HONESTLY. Are we really this shallow? Really?

Labelmaking...

My apologies to my friends who have already had to listen to me rant on the subject.

I almost feel as though I am beginning a very, very bad Jerry Seinfield segment. "What's the big idea with labels?!" (You must always have a question mark and an exclamation point for Jerry Seinfeld. It's just how he speaks.)
This seems to be a prevalent theme in my life as of lately. Everyone always asking questions, wanting you to define certain aspects of yourself. Democrat, Republican, Christian, Atheist, Gay, Straight, Femme, Butch, Masculine. Blah, blah, blah is what I say to you. I realize how very mature I am, thank you for noticing.
I just don't understand the need for everyone to fit into a certain category. It makes me people nervous when you refuse to label yourself, and when it comes down to it, they will happily apply whatever label they want. Heartily and without your consent.
While this applies to my situation currently (which I shall not be divulging the specifics 0f) I think it happens on a much broader spectrum. People from mixed backgrounds are often questioned on how they identify (White? Black? Hispanic?) and people of certain beliefs are so quick to classify "You don't agree with me? You must be a heathen"

Seriously people, I don't get what the big idea is. If you're happy, safe and healthy who really cares what category you fit into?!

Mother,

Ok, so I lied about updating yesterday, but I'm finally getting there.

Yesterday actually turned out to be the day of my now deceased Great Uncle's memorial service. My dad came down from Maryland for it, and as I live in the area I also attended the service. It is not that I am not saddened by his death, but I did not know him well. I have no cheerful, childhood memories to mourn, mostly just stories from others.

What did make me sad is the time that I spent with my Dad while he was here -- not sad in a miserable way, but sad in a "iwishmytimewithhimwerealwayslikethis" kind of way. He actually told stories and talked about my mom, something he almost never does in front of his now wife. Selfishly whenever someone else dies I always miss my mom a little bit more, possibly because she is not there to mourn with, and possibly because funerals always remind me of her death. While this funeral bore no resemblance to my mothers, and the words spoken did not invoke my mother at all, I associate the somber and uncalculated greif of others with my own. But telling stories with my dad about my mom, and seeing that there is pain, loss and sadness in him is actually a bit comforting. I almost never see this part of him. He loved my mother very, very much and I am now begininng to understand that even though he has remarried he has not moved on from her, he is simply attempting (albeit poorly) to fill the void where my mother used to be.

Zombie

Sorry for the lack of updates, folks. Between family deaths and holidays I don't celebrate, I've been a bit busy.
I promise to do an actual update tomorrow.
For now... Happy Easter/Zombie Jesus Day!

Woof.

Oh, the dog. Woman's best friend, or something like that.
As much as I love my smushy faced little boy, I rarely ever talk about him... he just a part of my daily routine -- from the morning kisses when the alarm goes off (these kisses mean 'mommy, food?'), to the joyful bouncing when I arrive home after a long day (these bounces mean 'mommy, food?') he always makes my day better... even when he knocks over a large cup of red juice all over my white rug. He is my constant snuggle bug, activity partner, and receiver of the ever-popular belly rubs.
I am bringing him up today because I think he deserves it. Now, I know that might seem crazy... and I probably seem like a lunatic for blogging about my dog... but he is one of the very best things in my whole life. Those who have dogs will (hopefully) understand what I mean. While I think cats are nice, there is nothing comparable to the love of a dog and, despite what those cat people saying about not having to work for affection from dogs, I work very hard so that Simon is happy, healthy, and safe. He is a constant companion who never complains when I am grumpy, but instead offers his little puggy-kisses as a reminder that he is there to love me.

"My little dog -- a heartbeat at my feet." ~ Edith Wharton

And now for something...

Completely different.

I believe I've only ever posted one other poem. This is something I just wrote, and I thought I'd share it.









I am an enigma.
Undecipherable.
Uncalculated and
Unreadable.

I am an open book,
Heart on my sleeve
Crying in the night
With desperation.

Two halves
Have not equaled
My hole.
Still empty.

Pineapple Weekend

Well, this was quite a busy weekend, but I enjoyed every minute of it. I was, in fact, so busy that I am having trouble recalling everything I did. Aside from the massive amount of texting and picture receiving I did with Twenty (I was living vicariously through her Dinah Shore experience) I can barely remember what it was I did Friday evening. I believe it was boring things like grocery shopping, oh, and watching Pineapple Express which proved to be not nearly as entertaining as I had hoped, but an adequate stoner film nonetheless.
Saturday consisted of spending time with some newly acquired friends... eating fabulous Sushi, hitting up the local Art Museum and searching for some fabulous vintage clothes, which we easily found at Hong Kong Vintage (see my fabulous pineapple skirt?). The entire reason for frequenting the Mint Museum was to check out their exhibit on Haute Couture fashions. It turned out to be much smaller of an exhibit than I had hoped, but the clothes and accessories were beautiful (minus a few from the 80s) and well displayed. I was actually quite thrilled that there was an exhibit from the New Orleans Museum of Art which contained a large amount of French pieces.
The vintage hunt went extremley well, even though Hong Kong ended up being our only stop. The store is small, but well stocked. The prices were super reasonable, and I fully intend on making a stop in again soon. The neighborhood that the store is housed in is also quite adorable. Lots of funky, small shops. Charlotte continues to surprise me with the cooky nooks of neighbor hoods that are out there to be discovered.
Saturday evening Hub and I visited some friends who had just moved into their brand new house. They seemed very happy, and I am very happy for them! Simon enjoyed the time, as he and KC ran around like the crazy dogs they are.
After this visit, I was persuaded to join my new friends ("The Crew" haha) for a late night get together, where I in turn persuaded them to visit my favorite place in Charlotte, Amalie's. Fabulous as always.
Sunday consisted of acting like an adult most of the day... trying to clean, taking a nap, and a visit to Ikea.
Despite my busy schedule this weekend many big things happened. I suppose these things are the reason I am attempting to keep so busy. Large changes are afoot, my friends, and when the time is right I'm sure I'll clue you in a bit.
Until then...

Internet Friends (2)

It is now time for another addition of people who I stalk... I mean, follow via the interwebs. Today's contender comes to you from the NPR radio progam "This American Life" a show which I have come to adore, mostly due to the captivating and adorably dorky host Ira Glass.
Most of my friends would be able to tell you that I am normally not an advocate of talk radio. That is really an understatement. Generally speaking I can't stand listening to anyone read or tell stories to me -- I don't know what it is. Even as a child I was always scolded by my teachers for not following along with the rest of the class while we were doing readings. I almost always got frustrated with the reader and moved ahead at my own pace (to this day, I read uncommonly fast). It is, I suppose, because of this that I have never really found my niche with talk radio... until Ira. This American life is show about... well, everything. I have not found a taboo topic, and the stories are always insightful, portrayed in truth, while sometimes being tender or hilarious. Ira lends to these traits with his quirky comments and obvious desire for great journalism. While he does not narrate all the stories, he seems to position the listener just so, ensuring that no morsel of the segment will remain un-devoured by the audience.
All of the shows are on the website, available for free as podcasts, or are may be downloaded for $0.99 a show.
Support my dorky, intellectual and fabulous friend! (Well, you know... internet friend)

Some of my favorites can be found here:
I like the first part of this one -- after that it does get a bit creepy.
Featuring Mike Birbiglia

This one was particularly interesting to me.
A story about testosterone, the how much and some of the why.

An incredibly moving story about a Muslim family, post-9/11
I really cried. So, beware.

Those are just a few, folks, and I really encourage you to check some out. You won't be disappointed!

Love.

Check this out! Way to go for the midwest... perhaps the rest of the country will figure it out, even with out California leading the way.

I have to say, honestly, I'm a bit surprised, but very happy! :)

No Doubt.

This weekend, one of my friends mentioned to me the she able to get $15 lawn tickets to see No Doubt. This is big, exciting news, and I almost immediately went to purchase my ticket. I have loved No Doubt since I was able to make educated music choices. Tragic Kingdom -- the whole album -- helped define my youth. I'm not kidding. Plus, Gwen Stefani is smokin' hot and used to wear a bindi on her forehead.
A thought then occurred to me... why are these tickets only $15? According to Wikipedia (which is the be all, end all source) No Doubt has not had a "mainstream" album since the 90s. Can this be true? I suppose it is, however it seems completely bizarre to me that this band, who I worshiped, is becoming obsolete. They are moving into an older generation of music. How could this possibly happen? Now, don't get me wrong -- I have always loved old music. I was raised to love old music. As a kid I never wanted to know what the top 40 songs of the moment were, I instead prided myself on knowing lyrics to bands such as The Beatles, Peter, Paul and Mary... even John Denver. It is just a bizarre feeling to know that a band who had so much influence in my life is now becoming... old? I'm not quite sure what the right word would be, but it's just a weird feeling.
None of this, however, deters my excitement! Super stoked.

Grapefruit.

I've been on this weird grapefruit kick recently -- I don't know if other people go through food phases, but I have a constant cycle of different cravings. I could love a food this week, and not even be able to look at it next week. I have serious texture issues, and if I think about anything too much, I can't eat it. I'm sure it's some type of OCD behavior... but I usually get all the nutrition I need, so I'm not too worried. Anyway, the last few weeks have been grapefruits, which are a seriously under-loved fruit. Everyone says they are too sour, however I think they are sweet, juicy and wonderful. Oblate in shape, they are like heavy, edible, slightly mal-formed softballs. They make my stomach happy, and for some unknown reason put me in a good mood. Maybe it is because I get to use the word oblate when speaking about them. I don't know.
I realize it is very strange for me to dedicate an entry to grapefruit, but it is more because I really have a love of food. Aside from the obvious nutritional needs, I see food as an entry way. A way to make to friends, to comfort others or yourself, a way to explore culture. Food can be fun, filling, and occasionally sexy. Food speaks volumes -- have you ever baked a friend cookies, or made someone a meal? Generally (unless it is yet another casserole) people are thrilled to receive food... whether it be offered in condolence, congratulations, or just because. Cooking for large groups of people is something I really miss. There is almost no better feeling than having friends and family gather, talking voraciously, drinking freely and bonding over something that I spent time preparing just for them.
I'm off to indulge in my fruit-of-the-week. You should do the same.