Mother,

Ok, so I lied about updating yesterday, but I'm finally getting there.

Yesterday actually turned out to be the day of my now deceased Great Uncle's memorial service. My dad came down from Maryland for it, and as I live in the area I also attended the service. It is not that I am not saddened by his death, but I did not know him well. I have no cheerful, childhood memories to mourn, mostly just stories from others.

What did make me sad is the time that I spent with my Dad while he was here -- not sad in a miserable way, but sad in a "iwishmytimewithhimwerealwayslikethis" kind of way. He actually told stories and talked about my mom, something he almost never does in front of his now wife. Selfishly whenever someone else dies I always miss my mom a little bit more, possibly because she is not there to mourn with, and possibly because funerals always remind me of her death. While this funeral bore no resemblance to my mothers, and the words spoken did not invoke my mother at all, I associate the somber and uncalculated greif of others with my own. But telling stories with my dad about my mom, and seeing that there is pain, loss and sadness in him is actually a bit comforting. I almost never see this part of him. He loved my mother very, very much and I am now begininng to understand that even though he has remarried he has not moved on from her, he is simply attempting (albeit poorly) to fill the void where my mother used to be.