And it is with the holidays approaching that I make this next post.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I am not a fan of the holiday season. Furthermore, you know why. Having lost my Mother makes it difficult to celebrate a time of year that was so special to her, and that she always made very enjoyable for my sisters and me. This year, however, I am giving it the ol' college try (which Adam says means I'm NOT trying... but you know what I mean). Adam and I went and got a tree -- it's kind of a little Charlie Brown tree (it's fake), but it is still pretty cute. We have blue and white ornaments on the tree, with white lights. It is very simple. Coming down the stairs of our townhouse to see this lit tree reminds me of coming down the stairs in our house in Pocomoke; Seeing the twinkling lights, and feeling the warmth and excitement that Christmas brought as a child. Admiring all of the ornaments that my mom had kept through the years. The weird misshapen ones that we made as projects in kindergarten or sunday school, and all the ones that we had received as gifts. So, as you can imagine, I have tremendous mixed feelings about trying to enjoy the holiday. There is now, and I feel will always be, a vast empty whole where my mothers presence should be, and for whatever reason it becomes just a bit more tender at the holidays.