Where I'm very honest.

Oh, the times, they are a-changin'.

What an understatement for my life at the moment. My life has really been changing at a unbelievable pace. Much of the changes have been building, evolving and taking their own shape, in their own time. It just so happens that many of them finished this evolution simultaneously. And so, here I am, wading in an unfamiliar swamp, trying to figure out what happened to my once pristine life.

I am, for the most part, in a positive mind about all these changes. Life is a beautiful and complex beast, and often breeds situations that we do not understand, to achieve a result we may have been previously unaware of. However, with the uncertainty of my life at present, comes the uncertainty of past decisions. Right now, I am focusing on school. Now, I know this is a topic that i have perseverated on in the past. I will continue to do so until I feel that I am truly doing whatever it is that I should be.

In these moments, being me is the most important thing I feel I can do for my life. And this me is trying to figure out just who she is, while feeling simultaneously that sometimes it's just ok not to know.

How quickly...

Oh, Maryland. How I miss and love you! I had the fortune of driving up to MD a week and a half ago to visit my little sister, who was home on leave. Foo Foo looks great, and it made me ridiculously happy to be in the same house with BOTH of my sisters at the same time. We went to a cool brewery that opened in Delmar, had dinner at my Dad's an just had some lovely sister time. Unfortunately I didn't have my camera, and as such have NO PICTURES. But we were all together. with our dogs. I promise!
Other than visiting my loved ones, I've just been doing the usual : Work, School, Homework, Study. I'm finding the studying thing to be the best -- especially for my math class. Obviously, most of the people in my classes are 18, and coming right from high school... so they don't need as much of a refresher as I do. My class is fast paced, which I like, but it leaves me teaching myself some things, simply because I'm the only one who hasn't been acquainted with the material recently. One of the women I work with asked if I felt like I was at a disadvantage... I'm not sure that I would call it that precisely, but I definitely will be working harder for my grades, at least this semester while I adjust and reacquaint.
The most exciting part of my week? RIVER IS LOSING HER TEETH! It's so weird! I guess with Simon, he ate them, so I never saw them. They are super tiny and cute. If teeth can be cute. I looked it up to make sure it was ok, and she seems to be right on schedule for having all of her adult teeth in a month or so. I'd been a bit concerned that she wasn't eating well, and I suppose it's because her teeth have been bothering her! This morning Hub made her an egg, and she was very happy to eat that, and even managed to eat some of her dry food. They grow so quickly!

A change will do you good.

This is a moment when I know my life has changed. It is 11:30 on a Monday, and I am very awake, having just returned from playing pool. In the last year (probably a bit more) my life has changed drastically. I have not only changed cities, but changed states. I have changed jobs (twice now), moved from a 2 bedroom apartment, to a 2 bedroom townhouse. Bought a puppy. Cut my hair. Changed my entire life. Last week, I was a nanny with no direction. This week, I am a student. On my way to using all the beautiful intelligence I have been gifted.
I can very honestly say that I have made more changes in the last year than I have in the 7 years since my mom died. And much of that was fear. But, I'm determined to move past all that, in into my real life. The life where I continue to be fun and spontaneous, but also smart and responsible. The life where I make choices that make me happy, instead of make me safe. Having just returned from a pool hall (where I've never been, and am btw HORRIBLE at) I sit here and am able to fully recognize the massive changes in my life. Perhaps it was the 2 beers. Or the warm weather. Or the snuggling dogs. But whatever it is, this is the moment. My life, in a matter of a few hours, has changed and I couldn't be more thrilled. I am working at a bakery, which I adore, I am studying engineering -- something I didn't really think I'd have the balls to do, and I am loving, living and exploring more than I ever have in my adult life.
I'm done with the regrets. Moving on from the mistakes. Trying to leave the emptiness and sadness behind. Big, wide, beautiful world : Here I Come. Please be ready.

Politics and Life

I've had a lot of things I've wanted to say lately, but haven't really had the time to sit down write them out properly.

Many things about politics, the focus of the media, and the distractions that are being offered up instead of actual news. Please keep in mind this coming from a democrat who very proudly voted for Obama -- all of this is very frustrating to me. I really put my trust into a system that I feel has always been, well, off kilter or unfair, and I really thought that would make a big direction change. Maybe it's unfair to judge this harshly 6 months in, but Obama gave us HUGE promises, direction and most of all HOPE. While I know that some people still think of him as too liberal, in my eyes he is not liberal, at least not the liberal we were promised.

On top of all my infatuation with news as of late, I have been job hunting (yikes) as well as trying to sort out what I'm doing for school in the fall. Once I have more concrete news on that, I'll be sure to let you know.

Happily, my puppies are doing fabulously, and River is now TEN POUNDS. Less than 2 months ago she was a shrimpy 4 pounds, so she's growing well, and Simon and River absolutely love eachother.