My what if...

This part shall be a little self-indulgent, I warn you.

It is very difficult in life to not have “what ifs”. In the vast spectrum of human choice, there are infinite ways any persons’ life may go. Regardless of circumstances at birth, in this time and in this country, we have very few limitations on what it is we are able to accomplish, should we have the drive and motivation to do so (ie. Barack Obama -- had to throw that in there) Underneath all my cryptic bullshit, I am basically trying to say: What if I had made different choices? This was mostly brought on by seeing RENT last night -- the broadway tour came through Charlotte. Sitting in the audience and watching the passion of a play 25 years old and still relevant was incredible. So, I started thinking about how my life could be different. What if I lived in New York with a bunch of people who were passionate about life and art? Somewhere along the line, hadn’t that been my dream? What if my mom had not gotten sick? What if after she died, instead of being depressed and wasting money, I had applied myself and gone away to school to study music and French like I wanted? My life would obviously be something very different. Sometimes I would just like to meet that Carol and see what she has to say. Would she be living in a cheap loft in NYC, teaching music to kids, playing in some orchestra? Would she have gone to Paris already? Perhaps found a wonderful Parisian to fall in love with and eat croissants and sip espresso with all day? Ok, ok, I realized that is very cheesy and cliché, but I’m going for cheesy. It’s my life. None of this is to say that I am unhappy with my life as it is. I actually really love the life that I am living now. I am happy with my relationship, the place we live, the goals we have. And while I may not speak French or teach music, I guess I have to think about what I would have to say to the other me, and it is simply this: I am happy in my life.