Mommy.

Yesterday was 7 years since the death of my Mommy. This large number, first of all, baffles me. How can I still feel so much loss and pain after 7 years? I am unsure -- but I know I miss her now, just as I missed her then. There are still moments where I decide I'm going to call her, only to realize she's not there. What I do have left are fabulous memories of the comfort, silliness and love provided to me by my wonderful Mother. I also have 2 beautiful sisters, without whom my life would be absolutely incomplete. I mentioned before that this is the first year we weren't all living in the same place -- but we managed, in 3 states and 2 time zones, to remember our mother as together as we could : With a tasty piece of tiramisu, something that my mother loved to eat, and in turn we love and remember her with.

The pictures here are from cell phones, and so the quality is not the greatest, but the fact that despite the distances my sisters and I were able to share our small memoriam with each other offers more comfort than it is possible for me to convey. I miss my sisters all the time -- I feel very fortunate to have them, and love them more than I can possibly express -- but not having them here on a day when I feel so empty is horrible. They are the only other people in the whole world who share the pain and loss of my mother in the same way. Even our father, who I know misses her greatly, mourns differently. My sisters and I , despite being radically different people, are essentially imprints of our parents, and when it comes down it, we are the memories of our mother for eachother. We can reminisce about all the things that happened when we were little, and only we can feel the bittersweet joy that comes from these rememberances. Oh, how lucky we are to have had these beautiful moments, but how tragic to see them all taken away.

I know that as my Big Sister graduates college (the first one of us to do so), it is that same bittersweetness she feels, as I felt when I got married, as Foo felt when she graduated high school, and as I'm sure we have felt and will continue to feel many times over. The excitement of moving forward in life, but the sadness that we are taking one more step away from the past which contains our mother. I know how proud my mom would be of all of us, and how much love she had.

When I visited the cemetery earlier this month, I brought flowers and small card -- despite my love of words and writing -- I was only able to write these, and they are the truest and closest to my heart:

Mommy,
I love you.
I miss you.
I think about you everyday.