Morning After

Ok, so last nights rant may not have been my most eloquent writing, but sometimes that is all there is.
I'm doing better this morning, although still feeling a bit gross. Much of my irritation last night was brought on my good ol' victoria's secret. I went to buy a bra with a gift card I'd gotten for my brithday and looking at myself mostly naked while trying on said bra was rather dissapointing. In the dim, soft lighting of the dressing room, with a bra that gives me good, but subtle cleavage would usually make me feel great. But seeing the bloated, mushy mess that was my stomach had a less than stellar effect on my mental status. I have always struggled with self-esteem issues, and not just because of societal pressure, hollywood role models, blah blah, etc. Certain events in my life definitely made me doubt my self worth, and this translates into Carol-feeling-crappy. Now I realize that by normal standards I am not fat, or chubby or even a little over weight. I could use some toning, but over all I'm in decent shape. I have always been critical of my body, and it worsened with The Ex. I became anorexic at one point, due largely to his insults, and that is certainly a path I do not want to go down again. Having said all that, it doesn't mean I have to be happy with what I see. I am currently trying to do something about this, but in a world where food pretty much translates into socializing it is difficult to not eat. Plus, I enjoy food. I don't see eating as just a means to survive and nourish my body, I love the taste, texture and feeling I get from eating certain foods.

Oh where, oh where is the happy medium?