Recently I have been contemplating what the hell it is I would like to do with my life. Writing is definitely at the top of that list, and what a long list it is. I have the fortunate (or unfortunate) circumstances of having parents who believed in me, and always told me I could do whatever it is that I wanted. Well, here I am at 24 and i still believe that. That belief coupled with my wide range of interests makes it rather difficult to pick a career.
I have come to the decision that I should in fact go back to college for something to do with writing -- whether is be journalism or English, I have yet to decide. While I think I would enjoy teaching, I only think I would enjoy teaching College level or High school level kids who were actually INTERESTED in what they were studying. So, public high school is basically out. I'm planning on taking a course or two at the community college this summer/fall to see how I do with that. It's been a while since I've been in classes, and I may suck at it. Not that I don't think I'm smart enough, because I know I am, it's just a different mind set, and being married and working while going to class should be interesting. Sometimes I feel that in order to really dedicate myself, I'd need campus housing and no distractions, but that is certainly not going to happen at this point.
Another one of my "road blocks" to this goal is my extreme fear of failure. Again, not that I don't have the intelligence, because I do, but that I just won't do well. That I'll finish school, get my masters, and still be a total failure at a job. That I won't be able to find something I actually enjoy doing, because what I want to do is write. I realize that writing is considered self-indulgent to many people, but I need it. Writing is the reason I don't go totally insane, and I've just really realized this recently.
Maybe I'll get lucky, get a book deal, and go on Oprah and I won't have to worry about this. It could happen, right?
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